Text by Natalie Avellan
Photo by Ángeles Maku
Sensei hands me a brush.
She says, “Start top to bottom, left then right.”
“Tilt your brush, don’t rush.”
“Relax, go slow.”
With sweeping, weeping motions
Stress ignites uniform lines yet unsure strokes.
I try and try again.
Drawing the character for town 町 becomes a chore
And for book 本, I become a fraud.
Deciphering the characters I come across
In my travels, I am a mime.
Flipping to a fresh sheet, I start over with heavy pools of black ink.
I am now a child learning to write.
I copy and repeat.
I impersonate others’ strokes of genius and mirages of light.
On second instruction, I start again, timid and new.
My oofude brush, however, never reaches a fugue state.
Stained hands, fingers, and nails.
I smile and nod.
Laying it on thick doesn’t work this time.
The bunchin weighs the paper down and the ground falls from under me.
I have to let go…of the follow through.
The sweep of nonchalance
Of constraint, of the perfect rhythm and timing.
Like being autistic in Kyoto.
And of pigeons and walks down cramped alleyways.
Of how mopeds and bikes sweep right by.
Feeling the ground
For raised store step-ups
And the thousands of steps to get somewhere.
As I held my breath with each stroke, my camera became a living thing.
Capturing museum artifacts, sacred spaces, and posed positions.
Candid too.
In June Kyoto
Weather hot and humid.
Cloudy and humid.
Rainy and humid.
Thin lines.
Straight lines.
Thick lines.
Bad form or good.
Urban streetwear or modest and formal.
The hunt for Sailor Moon ends with Kyoto’s vintage collectibles at Mandarake, some 45,000 yen. And just outside, Osaka: a boon for Tokyo merch fans.
And quietly misinterpreting friendships..classmates..acquaintances..strangers.
With eyes on me.
Practicing the smooth, flowy accents.
Of my brush.
Of my tongue.
That only comes in quick flashes like a rare slight chill.
In June, Kyoto weather. Everyone walking with perfect purpose.
Observing this difficult practice called life,
I sign my name horizontally,
Bottom left
with less fear than before.
